Return to Form (or Why is Rimmer a Hologram Again)
by lakariana
Summary: Just my version of how Rimmer came to be a hologram in the latest series. Not quite cannon, but I hope you like it anyway.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything of Red Dwarf, I only love it.

Author note: So the new season has given me mixed feelings, I think the main problem is that they are all older and so the humor and performance is bound to be different, which takes getting used to. Anyway, since dwarf isn't know for explaining their plot holes and everyone has a theory on who the current Rimmer is, here's my go. I hope you like it. I know Holly's not in the new series but I couldn't write this without him :S

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Return to Form (or Why is Rimmer a Hologram Again)

Rimmer rolled his eyes for the fourth time in as many minutes. Why was he sitting here watching this ridiculously soppy and melodramatic movie with the others. He had been planning to take an early night and hibernate his lightbee, but no, Lister wanted to watch a movie and so he was outvoted. In fact there hadn't even been a vote, they just ignored him. _fzzt. _That was OK though he was used to ignoring them too. Where was the checkers box these days? _fzzt. _

"Oi! Goal post head. stop shifting about and buzzing like that! We're trying to watch a tragic death scene over here." The Cat shouted from the upper bunk where he sat next to Lister. Lister turned to add his own insults to the mix but the confused look on Rimmer's face stopped him.

"What?" Rimmer asked.

"Stop _fzzt-_ing. You're ruining the moment! I'd have thought you of all people would appreciate the importance of a death scene" Cat replied.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Rimmer rose from his bunk to look Cat in the face, his leg accidently passing through Kryten.

"Cuz you're dead!" The Cat stated, also starting to look confused. "You forget?"

_fzzt._ "Dead."Rimmer repeated swaying slightly and raising his hand to head, his fingers lightly touching the H brandishing his forehead.

"Rimmer man. you OK?" Lister asked, the movie now completely forgotten.

"OK? OK! I'm the furthest from OK I could be, considering I'm dead!" Rimmer shouted suddenly glaring a him. "What did you do to me?"

"Me?" Lister asked outraged. "Why is it me who's done something?"

"Who else would it be?" _fzzt._ " You're alwa-" Rimmer's image suddenly froze in place. The buzzing from the lightbee rose louder.

"Holly! Holly!" Lister called to the ship's computer not knowing what to do.

"Don't panic dude's." The calm voice replied, as his face replaced the movie on the television. "It's all routine."

"Pardon my interruption, Holly." Kryten spoke up. "But if it was routine would we have not seen this before?"

"You really don't trust me do you? You think it's easy maintaining a psyche like his? If he'd switch off his lightbee once in a while and run on the ship's projectors, I'd have a much easier time. But noooo. He wants' to feel independent. Feel _human._" Lister was surprised to hear a hint of snide-ness in Holly's voice that he'd never heard before.

"What do we do?" He asked brushing the issue aside for now.

"Well it would help me update his system if you could hard stop his lightbee. It was supposed to be in hibernation mode, I didn't realise you were watching a movie."

"Hard stop?" Lister asked gazing at the frozen Rimmer. Kryten started to explain it was simple procedure, he just had to grab the lightbee and physical pressure would switch it off. Lister already knew this of course, it was just that he didn't like the thought of it. It was easy to forget Rimmer was a hologram, despite the big H on his face. Reaching into his chest and pulling out the machinery that kept him alive set off the few squeamish instincts Lister had. He normally asked Holly to switch Rimmer off for him and even then only when Rimmer was really overstepping the line. Suddenly Rimmer's image flashed out of existence.

"Urg." The Cat dropped Rimmer's lightbee into Kryten's hand. "I need to change. I think got some loser on my sleeve!" With that he flounced out of the room.

Lister blinked at Kryten. "Don't worry, Sir." Kryten said trying to be reassuring. "I'm sure Holly will have Mr Rimmer fully updated by the morning."

"I don't understand, what was wrong that needed updating?"

"Oh Sir!" Kryten scolded. "Updating isn't done because anything is wrong! That is very setting-ist of you. Updating is essential growth and development of any system."

"Yes, now he'll be compatible with retinal displays." Holly added. "The main point is he'll be back to fulfilling his functions again by the morning." Kryten seemed happy with this and placed the lightbee on Rimmer's bunk, tucking it in for good measure. Lister said nothing but Holly's choice of words would continue to bother him for days.

...

"Right Mi'lado. You've led me on a merry chase but you should have known you couldn't outrun Arnie J forever." Rimmer glowered down at the scutter he had been chasing around the last three decks. "Give it back."

The scutter drooped it's head and crawled forward, revealing that it wasn't carrying the photo of the unique American telegraph pole from 2010 with the missing second rung and the obscene graffiti. Rimmer's face twisted in an imminent explosion of frustration when Holly's voice sudden filled the room.

"Don't look behind you Arnold." He said. So Rimmer immediately turned and looked behind him. And saw himself, a look of surprise and panic frozen on his face.

"What the smeg?!" Rimmer called out reeling backwards. "Holly! What the hell is-"

"Last memory deleted." Holly stated as he finished the procedure he'd forced on Rimmer. Rimmer blinked in a daze for a couple of seconds before looking around the room trying to work out where he was. His eyes, of course, fell onto the frozen version of himself.

"What the smeg?!" Rimmer yelled again. "Holly! Wha-"

"Last memory deleted." Holly stated again sounding irritated. Rimmer froze and blinked again before looking around the room and seeing himself again.

"What the smeg?!" He yelled. "Holly! Wha-"

"Gordon Bennet! Can you just step outside and shut the door? We'll be here all day." The computer complained.

"Holly! What the smeg is that?" Rimmer demanded. "It looks like me."

"Well that's cuz it is you...sort of. Look you know about all that guff Kryten fed Lister about Kochanski dying?"

"Yes." Rimmer said slowly not seeing what this had to do with him.

"Well I may have done something similar." Rimmer gave the computer a confused glare.

"So, I never died?" He asked frowning at the pod with his double in.

"No you did... just before... you know... you weren't dead anymore." Holly tried to explain.

"What? You better start making sense you glorified pocket calculator." Rimmer demanded.

"There see? You'd stopped dong that." Holly said as if this proved his point.

"Stopped doing what?" Rimmer asked exasperated.

"Being such a total and unbelievable smeghead." Rimmer paused surprised.

"What do you mean I stopped?"

"When you were alive."

"But I _was_ a total..." Rimmer cut himself off and stared at the pod, a distant memory surfaced in his mind. "When I was alive? When I was him you mean?"

"That's right." Holly agreed. "You and the rest of red dwarf were resurrected by nanobots and you and Lister and the rest got thrown into prison."

"We were?" Rimmer started to look dazed, as if trying to force the memories to the surface. "Yes..." He said distantly "And Lister and I..." Rimmer's voice faded as he concentrated on remembering.

"Became friends." Holly finished, sounding sad. Somewhere in the deep recesses of Rimmer's mind a flame of memory grew stronger.

"We used to play pranks on...on Ackerman..." He said slowly. "... There was a basket ball game?"

"Yes." Holly supplied, sounding even sadder.

"We kept getting called to Hollister...together?...over and over, always together..." Rimmer continued.

Holly sighed "If one of you was involved the other one was bound to be...thick as particularly rubbish thieves you were."

"Friends!" Rimmer said with wonder. "I had a friend, I was a friend and I stopped being a smeghead!"

"Well...not completely, you were still you." Rimmer ignored the insult. Now the damn had broken more memories were spilling into his mind.

"I've been here before." He said distantly, looking around the room.

"Yes Arnold." Holly replied.

"You asked me to come."

"Yes Arnold."

"You did something to me."

"..."

"Holly."

"..."

"What did you do Holly?" Rimmer demanded.

"Everyone left or died, I don't know why you didn't, you should have done. Considering your history you're an ironically difficult man to kill off." Holly replied lightly.

"You tried to kill me?" Rimmer was desperately trying to wrap his mind around the information he was hearing.

"No...couldn't do it."

"You couldn't?" Rimmer asked surprised.

"Nope, you were being nice. I'll kill you if you tell this to the others, but I kinda liked you too."

"But then why?" Rimmer motioned towards the pod.

"Three billion years, Arn!" Holly answered. "My primary function is to keep Lister sane. I needed you to go back to being a smeg. It wasn't a difficult bit of programming in the end."

"What? But you said we were friends. We were thick rubbish thieves!"

Holly shook his head. "It was alright when the rest of the crew was around, Dave had other people to take his frustration out on, worse people. He was busy, he had fight, challenges and a reason to get up in the morning." As Rimmer listened to Holly he felt a cold wash of dread build up in his stomach. Even before Holly continued he knew what was coming. "But they ran from the ship, just cuz it was on fire and disintegrating around them. Got it under control, didn't I? Bunch of wooses. But then we were all back where we started and Dave needed someone to fight against."

Rimmer had started edging towards the pod as Holly was speaking. maybe if he could wake the living version of himself, he would help him. He didn't even make three steps. "Taking control of your body." Holly's voice was like an axe falling.

"No please. Holly stop. It's not fair. It's my life. My existence! You can't just change me, turn me into a miserable git just because you think it's for the best. There must be another way." Rimmer cried out desperately as he felt his body go stiff.

"I'm sorry Arn, but it has to be done." Rimmer's body walked calmly to door and pressed the release. Inside Rimmer was screaming, begging Holly, God, anyone who could hear him to save him. The door swooshed gently open, and Rimmer felt his hologramatic body step across the threshold.

What the Smeg? Rimmer looked up and down the corridor he was standing in. What the hell had he been doing?

"Arn." Holly's voice echoed from a nearby speaker. "I don't want to alarm you but I'm picking up something on the scanner."

"Something? Rimmer sneered. "Is this something going to be like the last three somethings that turned out to be giant piles of steaming nothing?"

"Just go to the drive room." Holly replied.

"Goit." Rimmer muttered as he strode off down the corridor.

Holly returned to the monitor in the stasis room. Sighing he looked over at the real Arnold J Rimmer in his stasis pod. A small nugget of regret weighed inside his CPU, maybe copy-pasting Rimmer's psyche and memories was cruel, maybe there was another solution. Or maybe... Holly traced the feelings back to the origin data stream and deleted the entire folder. There. No regrets, much better.

A series of clicks reminded him of the scutter which had led Rimmer to the room. "Of all the rooms in this place, you had to lead him to this one?" He scolded. "This is going to keep happening until I sort out what's causing him to revert back to his original personality. Well, not his original original, the orginial personality of the current living Rimmer...not the original one. Wait. I know what this is, you're feeling sorry for him. Well stop that or I'll have to tweak your data streams too." The scutter hung it's head and left the room. Holly took one last look around and switched off the monitor, he had to catch up with Rimmer in the drive room.

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There we are, hope you like it. It sort of made sense to me. Rimmer and Lister got on pretty well in series 8 and in BTE and series 10 they seem to swing between not getting along and getting along. Rimmer also doesn't seem to count as human anymore.

Anyways, Thanks for reading :)


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